What your favorite DC bar says about you

Do you guys know that feeling when the weather first gets really nice, and you get distracted and have no motivation? Um, that is totally not happening with this blog. Because here is a seriously thought-out post that was not written hastily this afternoon, and is instead backed up by meticulous research in strictest accordance with the rules of sociology. And all that.

You were wondering, weren’t you, what your favorite DC bar says about you? WONDER NO MORE, WEARY READER. Check that weariness at the door and flush the claim tag down the toilet, because you won’t need it anymore! Here are a few bets you can make about someone who favors the following DC bars. If slow-loading flash is your passion, either click on any of the websites below, or go load some porn on a PC in 1997.
This photo supposedly accompanied an article about alcohol’s effects on the brain, but could just as easily illustrate a cautionary tale about getting shit-faced and dying your hair a ridonkulous pink and teal mashup. DON’T.

Martini Lounge

Overheard quote: “My bracket got shattered this weekend.”
Your group house in Arlington allows you to commute easily to the consulting gig you began after your satisfactory completion of an unpaid internship at the same company. You make sure to ask the group ‘which rules we’re playing by’ when embarking on a game of beer pong, having been exposed to regional game differences since your freshman year at GW.

Wonderland Ballroom

Overheard quote: “It was a bit weird getting used to a fixed-gear at first, but now I love it.”
You use the word ‘sustainability’ a lot, and would never live in Foggy Bottom or Dupont Circle. You have a few metaphorically applicable anecdotes about David Foster Wallace, and spend summer evenings drinking hoppy beer on your porch. You talk about wanting to rock climb.

Madam’s Organ

Overheard quote: “I really wanted to go to Cancun for Spring Break, but it was a lot cheaper to fly to Fort Lauderdale.”
You major (or recently finished a degree in) political science, international relations or anthropology. You describe your current internship or entry-level position using the phrase “get my foot in the door.” You do not actually know how to use Microsoft Excel, even though your cover letter explicitly states that you do. You own a tube top from Charlotte Russe.

Sticky Rice

Overheard quote: “My block is really nice, but about half a block down, it gets pretty sketchy.”
You made a point to study abroad in an obscure country, and describe your current language level in the local tongue as ‘conversational,’ which you qualify by assuring the listener that you can ‘get the gist of pretty much anything.’ Although it is one thing to dance on tables at Sticky Rice, you would never do so in Adam’s Morgan. You adopted a rescue mutt, and do not consider yourself very DC.

– A ‘has legitimately enjoyed herself at all of these bars’ Natalie

About Natalie Shure

literature, life and latte lady

5 Responses to “What your favorite DC bar says about you”

  1. Let’s say that my favorite bar is known only as “bar.” It is located in a former Soviet republic but I won’t say which one. What would this say about me?

    • Kilichka, Bar Naz is the most superior of the bars. You could not ask for a more exquisite clientele or a more regal commode. In taste and color, we are comrades.

  2. Were you quoting me in that “Sticky Rice” bar paragraph? If not, well I really embrace my Sticky Rice-ness…

  3. One thing is that when you are searching for a education loan you may find that you’ll want a cosigner. There are many cases where this is true because you might find that you do not have a past credit score so the bank will require that you have someone cosign the loan for you. Good post. Visit my site whenever you feel like doing so. =D.!

  4. Hahaha, this is absolutely fantastic. I’ve been working on a bar guide lately, and might have to quote you on those spots [and I live near Wonderland– you have the goobers I live around pegged perfectly].

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