Getting robbed sucks and other obvious news

Living in DC sometimes requires us to make sacrifices. And for me that sacrifice is sunlight and humanity—my life is largely spent living underground in a basement apartment. This arrangement allows me to save rent money and cultivate a fondness for other burrowing creatures (or as I like to think of them, allies).

In this small way, my Batcave life is much like Batman’s, without the cool butler, millions of dollars and nifty gadgets. (Note, that I didn’t list “fighting crime.” I’ll leave that for you to ponder).  But, like all classic superhero shows, a crossover episode was bound to happen.

I must preface by stating that the gates around my apartment’s doors are intense. They seemed so impenetrable that I had previously believed my apartment-fortress to be a stronghold in the Bloomingdale community. I would be home alone and hear creepy yelling coming from outside and never even worry.

But then Spiderman came to town. Or at the very least, a human acrobat.

Because seriously, whoever climbed that gate should either be joining the cast of Cirque du Soleil or quitting their day job at The Daily Bugle.

Rough approximation of the gate.

I walked in to discover my television, Kindle, and pretty much anything with an electrical current had been stolen. I’m sure our dog did his best to stop the intruders, but he’s 12 lbs—Cujo he is not.

Home burglary is one of those things that I can’t say was on my Bucket List, but I’m glad I can go ahead and hopefully check it off for life. There is exactly one window in my apartment that doesn’t have bars on it. The property management company told me it didn’t need bars because it was behind the “impenetrable” gate.

According to the DC Metropolitan Police Department, burglary was actually down 7.8% last year. I don’t know how 2012 will ultimately fare in comparison, but my incident will no doubt be included in its total.

In summation, do I think citizens of DC should be overly concerned? No. Do I think people in basement apartments should demand bars on all their windows? Yes.

So even if you are living in a “safe” DC basement apartment with a gate, get your landlord to put the bars on the windows. Or you might just end up writing a blog post full of comic book metaphors in shame.

–          An ‘obviously has an older brother that was into superhero stuff’ Lindsay

About Lindsay Golder

Freelance writer, book-fiend, lover of shamefully bad films regularly featured on TBS or TNT.

One Response to “Getting robbed sucks and other obvious news”

  1. I hope you had renter’s insurance!

    The landlord didn’t put bars on your window because they would have to have a release mechanism in case of fire. Digging into the masonry foundation to install the release is quite expensive.
    There is no such thing as a normal fence that stops a determined thief. Mostly fences don’t even slow them down much. Jails have electrified fences topped by razor wire and people still get over them.

    Putting bars on windows in the first place can save a great deal of expense and inconvenience. A friend who owns a rental property left a high window without bars, two stories above a basement stairwell entrance to a rented apartment. A thief stepped on a basement door knob up to a water faucet to reach the “unreachable” window. The water pipe to the faucet cracked inside the wall, where water ran inside the wall for several days before the basement tenant noticed it was loosening the brickwork outside his door. Two walls had to be replaced in the basement apartment after heavy equipment was employed for several days to dry out it out. By the time the insurance company evaluated the situation, the place was dried out, a contractor was chosen and approved by the insurance company and the repair work was actually done and inspected the tenant had been inconvenienced for weeks. Fortunately the tenant’s possessions were not damaged, since he did not have renter’s insurance, although his lease called for it. The thief did not get into the upstairs apartment. After all the trouble he went to to case the place and sneak around climbing up, he was met at the window by the tenant’s very large black dog with very big white teeth in his face.

    Another friend in another country determined her house was vulnerable to thieves. She had decorative electrified wrought iron fence installed around the roof. A thief did try to get in and was badly shocked and thrown to the ground for his trouble.

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