How to follow through on your New Year’s Resolution

So, you’ve made a New Year’s Resolution! Congratulations. You are awful, and you need to be fixed. What better time to emotionally self-flagellate than the completion of an arbitrary unit on the Gregorian calendar? You are, like, really serious about it this year. You mean it.

But what about those of us who forgot to make a resolution? Sometimes, committing to self-improvement can be tough. It is never too late! For the procrastinators and those who are already hard at work, here are some tips to ensure the most successful New Year’s Resolution possible.

Pick the same resolution every year
The best way to prove your dedication to something is to make it a part of your routine. One way to do this is to make the same New Year’s Resolution every year. If you manage to associate January 1st with a specific promise, this makes you more likely to make the resolution every year. Plus, how exactly are we supposed to believe you are serious about wanting to do something, if you only say you are going to do it once? If you want me to take your plan to lose 10 pounds, run a 10K, or learn to bake seriously, then I’d better hear you talking about it every 365 days.

Set a goal without considering the realities of your life
When setting a personal goal, do you evaluate your abilities and lifestyle before zeroing in on a realistic expectation? If so, you sound like a nerd. The best goals are irrational and impulsive. If you want to lose weight and get into shape, why stop at five pounds? Why not go all in, and commit to fitting into your First Holy Communion dress by March? Instead of working your way to a five mile run, why not decide to finish an uphill Iron Man triathlon in time for bikini season? By setting a goal you cannot possibly achieve, you are setting yourself up for a feeling of real triumph if you ever manage to do it.

Be flexible
Let’s be honest – a year is a long time. One way to make sure you don’t run out of stamina is to get around to starting your New Year’s Resolution in a few weeks or so. I mean, the holidays were super busy, right? Relax. As long as you buy a new pair of gym shoes in January, there is no need to actually use them until April Fool’s Day. You’ve already got the shoes, so that definitely shows your commitment. If anyone cracks a joke about your abandonment of exercise a few months from now, that person will be eating his words when he hears that you already bought new gym shoes. Of course, flexibility is not just about time management. Sometimes, we need to find creative solutions to a variety of unforeseen problems. For example, when eating healthy foods becomes tough, think of a few clever ways to sneak fruits and veggies into your diet. Make sure that your hot dogs are always topped with relish. Relish is green, so there is a very strong chance it came from a plant. Similarly, the next time you eat an entire cake alone with your cats, be certain there is a cherry on top. Who says you have to sacrifice taste for health?

Be sure to explain yourself
None of us is perfect, and sometimes we all fudge our resolutions a bit. However, it isn’t a good idea to avoid our plans for no reason at all. Thus, every time you skip a trip to the gym or indulge in office gossip or Taco Bell, make sure there is a really good explanation. If you explain to your friends that the reason you didn’t make spin class is because you were tired and Teen Mom 2 was on, this will show them that you aren’t just ignoring the promises you made on January 1st for no reason. It is important to show that you are really, really trying, but that sometimes things come up and you will get back on track next week, you SWEAR.

In the end, there is no way to guarantee the successful implementation of a New Year’s Resolution. I wish you all the best of luck. And to keep my booty in gear, I’ll share mine with you.

In 2012, Broads of the Beltway will become the first non-living entity to win both the Nobel Peace Prize and a MacArthur Genius Grant. I hope you’re ready, readers, because starting in a few weeks-ish when it gets warmer and everything, we’re going to TAKE OVER THE INTERNET.

– An inspired as fuck Natalie

About Natalie Shure

literature, life and latte lady

One Response to “How to follow through on your New Year’s Resolution”

  1. You give me new reasons to live. For that, I resolve to thank you. In a few weeks. ‘Cause I’m busy right now.

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