Dawson’s Creek—Arguably the world’s most perfect holiday gift

Not to be all “poor me” but 2011 has been a terrible year for this particular blog writer. I know this might take some of you by surprise because I’m always so charming and witty in my blog posts…you’re welcome…but it’s not always sunshine and unicorns in my world (and if it was I’d be concerned that my Cheerios somehow got laced with LSD—I don’t know much about narcotics but I can almost guarantee unicorns would be a warning sign).

So imagine my delight when 2011 decided to throw me a Hail Mary pass in the final quarter of the game. (Is that an accurate sports metaphor? If not, insert something dramatically awesome and physically impressive here.). There I was, wandering around Target with my empty red cart, looking at thing I can’t afford—natch—when I saw the world’s most perfect holiday gift for only $39.99.

That’s right, folks. The Dawson’s Creek Complete Series DVD Box Set has been released just in time to save Christmas.

I’m going to begin petitioning that the lyrics be changed to that Rudolph song right away. My new lyrics will include “yay, Target” in several key product placement-y spots, which will guarantee at least one giant retail supporter. (Who needs a master’s in marketing with this genius flowing out?).

Because Dawson’s Creek isn’t just a television show.* It is a handbook of life lessons. I challenge you to come up with a life problem that whiny Dawson and his band of much, much cooler friends didn’t solve. The dangers of drinking, check. The pitfalls of teenage sex, check. The dangers of opening a bed and breakfast, check. Seriously, life in the fictional town of Capeside was a microcosm for…. well, life in a very problem-ridden small, fictional town.

Don’t believe me yet that Dawson’s Creek is the ultimate holiday gift? Take a look at the following examples of tough-to-shop-for-relatives that could use a little Creek-magic:

1. Your Down and Out Cousin

The current economy has left at least one person in each family a little down on their luck. What do you get a broke girl with little holding her self-esteem together during this most festive of holiday seasons?

Two words: Pacey Witter.

Just look at Season 2: Joey decided to become an artist and date a gay man. Pretty much the story of my life in college. I get it. I really do. But when her life fell apart (presumably because Jack realized that, try as she might, Joey would never grow a penis) Pacey Witter came sauntering into her life. He bought her a wall (it was really romantic, I swear) and knew that the bracelet she wore to prom was her late mother’s. He patched her life up in 24 episodes flat and found the time to finish restoring an old sailboat. If any man, nay, god out there could make your weepy cousin feel better this holiday season, it’s Pacey Witter. (Author’s Note: This same Pacey-logic also applies to anyone recently single or divorced. Hope for love and purity and world peace can all be achieved in merely 6 seasons.).

2. Your “Tough Guy” Uncle, Dad, etc.

As men age they seem to make peace with the fact that due to uncontrollable surrounding female forces they will inevitably be subjected to awesome, if not exactly manly, shows like Dawson’s Creek. They will claim to watch it so that they can relate to their younger, female relative or significant other.

But eventually, what I like to call the “One Tree Hill Curiosity” sets in.

I first discovered the One Tree Hill Curiosity my freshman year of college. I had come home during winter break with a borrowed set of One Tree Hill: Season One DVDs. My dad grudgingly agreed to watch an episode or two with me one quiet afternoon to pass some time. So we watched. And watched. And eventually finished a disc. My dad didn’t say a word about it, until the following afternoon, when he requested we watch Disc Two. By the end of my winter break my dad was regularly asking me about whether I thought Nathan and Hailey would manage to stay together (between commercials of Cowboys games). He even borrowed the set from me and finished it on his own.

My point? Dudes secretly love teen dramas. The more sarcastic comments you hear from them, the more they secretly are intrigued. Boyfriends of America…no need to thank me for this post.

3. Your Hipster Friend, Cousin, Niece

Guys, break out your plaid shirt, the 90’s are back.

Okay, okay, Dawson’s Creek first premiered in 1998 but let’s not get too carried away with details. The point is that it is now cooler than ever to heart stuff from the ‘90s. (Which makes me simultaneously elated and feel old enough to star in a crappy remake called Golden Girls: The Boxed Wine Years).

Genuinely loving Dawson’s Creek is second only to ironically loving Dawson’s Creek. Hipsters and people-that-are-hipsters-but-refuse-to-be-called-hipsters will genuinely enjoy making fun of the endless Dawson/Joey/Pacey love triangle. They will set up viewing parties just for the sole pleasure of this activity. If you have a friend/relative that likes to talk about Banksy over a lovely bean-burger, look no further for their corporate Christmas present, dear readers.

4. Any Female Born During 1981-1991

This one is pretty self-explanatory. See above, Pacey Witter, if in need of further guidance.

Author’s Note: If you are a terrible boyfriend, spouse, partner DO NOT give your significant other the gift of Pacey. She will immediately realize that somewhere out there, in a magical land called Capeside lives a fictional character ready to steal her heart and sail away with her on a boat called True Love. (Nope, I’m not kidding; Pacey’s boat really was named “True Love”).

And for all my happy readers out there now rushing out to buy Dawson’s Creek for a loved one, no need to send me thanks. Just knowing that someone out there is discovering the importance of rowboats, as a primary form of transportation, is really what this season is all about. Happy Holidays, everyone.

– Santa’s #1 Helper, Lindsay

*In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit I was literally twelve years old when Dawson’s Creek first hit the airwaves. I was the exact target demographic. But that does not change the fact that over the years I have found myself mentally using lessons from this WB (now called the CW) masterpiece.

About Lindsay Golder

Freelance writer, book-fiend, lover of shamefully bad films regularly featured on TBS or TNT.

7 Responses to “Dawson’s Creek—Arguably the world’s most perfect holiday gift”

  1. my sister bought every season of dawsons creek one year… it was the best winter break ever.
    -K

  2. *le sigh* I have been longing for the discretionary income to add the remaining seasons to the 1st, 2nd and series finale discs I already own….hmmmm…..must decide if I will get the complete series and sell off the others, or continue to wait….hopefully not for my life to be over. I do kinda want to know right now what will it be…..

    I was WAAAAAAAAAAAY out of the demographic, but teenage angst and tortured filmmakers must be my Kryptonite….

  3. Oh God, shoot me in the face.

  4. Hellooooo Lindsay! I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award under the category “Blogging in the City”. Check it out:

    http://talesfromthemushroom.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/versatile-is-exactly-the-right-word/

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